Episode #3 Sports Bar

Why would you take an old lady to a sports bar you might ask? In a nutshell - my dad. My dad has done a great job of making his mom a bigger part of his life as she's gotten older and needed us more, but his way of doing this is by simply toting her around to all of his usual destinations and hangouts. I kind of don't blame him for this anymore. Time with the Gan can be painful, whether you take her out into the world or try to contain her in the confines of your own home, so why not go on with your daily routines?


On this day my husband and I accompanied Gan and dad to a local sports bar to take in a Cowboys game. Surprisingly, Ganny is a huge Cowboys fan and watches most games. This is nice because the game entertains her and provides material for conversation, however her celebration of the team's successes consists of cheering, leaving her seat, and trying to cheer with other patrons. This is hit or miss on the embarrassment scale. At times it goes unnoticed depending on the blood alcohol level of the victim; at times it leads to borderline coherent conversations with strangers from which Gan must be retrieved and guided back to the table.


During this particular outing, two Gannyisms occurred which stick in my mind. (Gannyisms are regular behaviors that can typically be predicted given a specific situation.) First, Ganny became frustrated with the waitress, a poor little 18-year-old girl just trying to make a living, when she did not have the type of wine Ganny asked for. I say they didn't have it; it was difficult to know if they did or not because Ganny's method of ordering is asking the waitress to list all of the available wines, asking for a description of half of them, then asking if they have something she made up on the spot but is convinced actually exists. We watched helplessly as the waitress tried to interact meaningfully with her. Occasionally we would try to intervene only to be swatted away by an irritable, arthritic hand. Eventually Ganny ordered something that of course she did not like and complained about once it arrived at the table.


As mentioned in post #2, this is one of those aspects of modern society Ganny doesn't understand: not everything stays the same. The bar has whatever wines it has that day. Period. Maybe they even did serve your fictitious wine two weeks ago when we were here, as you claim, but the bottom line is they don't now so order something else.


Well one Gannyism led to another, as it often does, and Ganny wound up in the kitchen. She insisted on taking her wine quest to a higher authority and to her, I guess that is where she thinks the wine comes from (as opposed to the bar full of alcohol.) We let her go at first. At times attempts to stop her only bring on more humiliation as it appears you are fighting with an old woman in front of the entire bar. But eventually, my dad had to retrieve her. This is usually done best by smiling and introducing humor to the situation if at all possible to try to give the victims something to laugh about later instead of spit in your beer.

Episode #2 Preparation - The Bank

Ganny is used to a different time when things were done a different way. This becomes particularly apparent when interacting with society at large. Before going in a restaurant, the bank, or a number of other locations, preparation is required to minimize embarrassment.
For example, we have to explain ahead of time what to do if those people in the mall trying to sell something stop you. What they're selling is probably not as great as they're saying it is. Failure to prepare will end in a 30 minute conversation with the person in which Ganny makes various politically incorrect observations and talks about the Lord's return.
We have to "prep" her before going into Babe's so that she understands why you don't get a menu. Failure to do this leads to loud questioning, repetition of those questions, and loud offensive comments like, "I've never been to a restaurant like this. I just don't understand this."
(Note: This method of embarrassment avoidance is only successful approximately 50% of the time. For failed attempts, read on.)


Recently Ganny asked me to go to the bank with her because she needed to make some changes to her trust account, including adding my name so I can write checks for her if needed. I anticipated difficulty and thus asked her to please "be polite if the people in the bank don't understand what you're trying to ask them." What I really meant was "I have no idea what you're talking about, so I doubt they will either. Please don't flip out and unleash your geriatric wrath upon us all."


"Oh, no problem," she responded. "I don't get frustrated." Famous last words.

First, the lady at the door had the nerve to ask us to wait a few minutes before we spoke with a banker. Every thirty seconds Gan would say "I just don't know if we want to wait. This is just taking a long time." I repeatedly told her it was fine. Approximately 10 minutes later a banker called us back to her office.


Ganny presented her with the paper from her lawyer stating that I could be added to her account. The twist was that my maiden name was listed. The woman helping us offered to call the bank's legal department since she wasn't familiar with working with trust accounts (who is?). This was the beginning. Ganny doesn't understand that it's not as easy as picking up the phone. Bankers have to wait on hold too and go through automated menus. Not everyone at the bank is an expert on every random thing you throw at them. They are just people, like me, who need a job. This is something old people don't get: Most people just work there - whether it be at the bank, a department store, the cell phone store - whatever. It's not that they don't care, it's that these aren't little "ma and pa" establishments anymore. These people work for big corporations and have to do things a certain way because they have to - not because they're trying to be difficult.


The next ten minutes consisted of the lady talking on the phone while Ganny behaved like a child. "I just want to leave," she said. "This is not the question I wanted to know. My lawyer has already taken care of this," she loudly complained as the poor woman tried to get information over the phone. I tried my best to diffuse the situation, to somehow indicate to the victim that I understood her pain, but the damage was done, as it usually is.


When we left I tried to explain to her that you have to be more patient with people. Again, these are not "ma and pa" businesses that know you by name and know your situation. Throughout the rest of the day she continued to defend her actions. I have added the bank to the list of places I will no longer accompany her to. The cell phone store and The Cracker Barrel in Arlington are also on this blacklist because of Ganny's past outbursts there.

Episode #1 of many

Today we went to a flea market in Mansfield that some of her fellow old-people neighbors recommended. I was surprised she wanted to go. It didn't seem like her thing. She's never really been a shopper. A buyer...yes, just not much of a shopper. Anyway it was something inexpensive to do, because her high dollar days are over, so off we went. Today's embarrassments consisted of the following:

We were standing in line at Wal-Mart, because it wouldn't be a visit to Gannyland without going to Wally, and when she suspected that the person in front of us was Muslim she proceeded to tell me that you see "them" everywhere you go now. She even had one tell her the other day how proud she was that she managed to get her husband to convert to Islam so they could get married. "America's just going to pot" she said. I still don't know if the man in front of us heard her, but fortunately for me, he gave no indication that he did.

Later at the flea market, just when I thought it was safe, she just randomly stopped a large black man entering the store as we were leaving and asked him how tall he is. He is 6'4. She asked him if he played basketball. My survival instinct suggested I get a head start running for the car. When he said no she acted shocked and then put a gentle coating of senility on the implied racism by talking about her glory days in varsity basketball back in '49.