No, I did not take Ganny to do yoga. It's her understanding of the concept that is amusing.
Years ago, I made the mistake of telling Ganny that I, at times, try different yoga routines to relax. I was promptly reprimanded and told that this is 'New Age stuff' and that I "should be meditatin' on God." I tried to explain that I wanted to relax, not fall asleep while praying. I told her that what she was thinking of as 'yoga' was the more traditional version of some Asian cultures. "What we mean by yoga here in America now is a form of exercise. You're right, there is a type that focuses on meditation and a religious aspect," (I always try to validate her feelings when possible) "but most people here do yoga as a way to strengthen muscles, and improve flexibility and relaxation." This was not sufficient. To this day I can't bring it up or mention it without reproach and condemnation to - you guessed it - hell.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Episode #5 Getting Together
Many times, when my husband and I meet Ganny for lunch, my dad comes along as well. This way we can all endure the adventure together. What's most difficult about these meetings though are the triangle calling patterns that occur.
Recently, I agreed to meet my dad at a restaurant Ganny had never been to. (On a side note, this is always dangerous. She doesn't generally like new things.) Rather than try to explain to Ganny how to get there and what to look for, my husband and I offered to pick her up on the way there.
The procedure begins a few days in advance, once the meeting is agreed upon by all parties. I make a point to confirm with my dad by phone and separately with Ganny by phone the time and place of the meeting. This initial phase generally goes smoothly. The trouble erupts the night before and day of said meeting. No matter what plans are made, Gan confuses them and/or does not adhere to them.
On this occasion I explained to her the night before that we needed to meet dad at the restaurant the next day at 11:30. In order to do this, my husband and I would leave our house about 10:30 to come pick her up. As always, I told her I would call her in the morning before we left. Even as I say this I know that she will inevitably call me before I call her.
Like clockwork the next morning, Ganny called at 10:15.
"Well, are y'all about ready to leave?"
"No Gan, we probably won't leave for another 15 minutes or so,"
"Well we're sure not gonna get there by no 11:00. It'll be more like 11:30."
"Now Gan, we had planned on 11:30."
"Oh, it's supposed to be at 11:30? I thought it was 11:00. All right, well y'all call me when you leave."
Not too painful so far. However the third element is then introduced.
Fifteen minutes later, my dad called, because he is his mother's son, and wanted to know if we had left yet. Talking to my dad is always fast-paced and leaves you feeling as if you're on a life-threatening mission of some sort. He was never in the military, but he talks like he was. He answers questions with "affirmative" and "negative" instead of "yes" and "no" and he kind of barks things at you.
"Bran, are-y'all-leavin'? All right, well what-time-is-it-again?Have-you-called-Gambo?" (I will explain this name at a later time.)
I told him, as I juggled my purse shoes and cell phone, that we were about to walk out.
"Okay, well Eva and I are gettin' ready to hop in the truck so we'll meet up here in about 30 minutes. Alright-bye." And he hangs up whether you say bye or not. This also opens the flood gates for repeated calls because half the time you have something to tell him that you didn't get close to being able to say.
I swear, in no less time than it took to put on one shoe, Ganny called back.
"Well, are y'all leavin'? Your daddy said y'all were already in the car."
"Yes, Gan. I told him we are about to leave but that was literally thirty seconds ago."
During all of the hullabaloo, one must remember to stay calm. Should Ganny sense that you are frustrated or stressed in any way, she will become upset - immediately taking the blame for whatever she has imagined you are angry with her for. Soon after that, you become the person who made an old lady cry.
Once we do leave, it takes at least thirty minutes to get to Ganny's retirement center. The allows for at least one more call from Gan, and usually one more of the triangular episodes for one reason or another. For example, she always calls again to ask how far away we are. No matter where we are, even 20 minutes away, she'll say "Well I'm just gonna go ahead an' wait downstairs (the lobby) and watch for y'all." Although she doesn't intend for this to be a jab (I don't think she intends it to be) it says to me, "You have not left early enough," even though we agreed on a time in advance.
All this fun takes place before the meeting even begins.
Recently, I agreed to meet my dad at a restaurant Ganny had never been to. (On a side note, this is always dangerous. She doesn't generally like new things.) Rather than try to explain to Ganny how to get there and what to look for, my husband and I offered to pick her up on the way there.
The procedure begins a few days in advance, once the meeting is agreed upon by all parties. I make a point to confirm with my dad by phone and separately with Ganny by phone the time and place of the meeting. This initial phase generally goes smoothly. The trouble erupts the night before and day of said meeting. No matter what plans are made, Gan confuses them and/or does not adhere to them.
On this occasion I explained to her the night before that we needed to meet dad at the restaurant the next day at 11:30. In order to do this, my husband and I would leave our house about 10:30 to come pick her up. As always, I told her I would call her in the morning before we left. Even as I say this I know that she will inevitably call me before I call her.
Like clockwork the next morning, Ganny called at 10:15.
"Well, are y'all about ready to leave?"
"No Gan, we probably won't leave for another 15 minutes or so,"
"Well we're sure not gonna get there by no 11:00. It'll be more like 11:30."
"Now Gan, we had planned on 11:30."
"Oh, it's supposed to be at 11:30? I thought it was 11:00. All right, well y'all call me when you leave."
Not too painful so far. However the third element is then introduced.
Fifteen minutes later, my dad called, because he is his mother's son, and wanted to know if we had left yet. Talking to my dad is always fast-paced and leaves you feeling as if you're on a life-threatening mission of some sort. He was never in the military, but he talks like he was. He answers questions with "affirmative" and "negative" instead of "yes" and "no" and he kind of barks things at you.
"Bran, are-y'all-leavin'? All right, well what-time-is-it-again?Have-you-called-Gambo?" (I will explain this name at a later time.)
I told him, as I juggled my purse shoes and cell phone, that we were about to walk out.
"Okay, well Eva and I are gettin' ready to hop in the truck so we'll meet up here in about 30 minutes. Alright-bye." And he hangs up whether you say bye or not. This also opens the flood gates for repeated calls because half the time you have something to tell him that you didn't get close to being able to say.
I swear, in no less time than it took to put on one shoe, Ganny called back.
"Well, are y'all leavin'? Your daddy said y'all were already in the car."
"Yes, Gan. I told him we are about to leave but that was literally thirty seconds ago."
During all of the hullabaloo, one must remember to stay calm. Should Ganny sense that you are frustrated or stressed in any way, she will become upset - immediately taking the blame for whatever she has imagined you are angry with her for. Soon after that, you become the person who made an old lady cry.
Once we do leave, it takes at least thirty minutes to get to Ganny's retirement center. The allows for at least one more call from Gan, and usually one more of the triangular episodes for one reason or another. For example, she always calls again to ask how far away we are. No matter where we are, even 20 minutes away, she'll say "Well I'm just gonna go ahead an' wait downstairs (the lobby) and watch for y'all." Although she doesn't intend for this to be a jab (I don't think she intends it to be) it says to me, "You have not left early enough," even though we agreed on a time in advance.
All this fun takes place before the meeting even begins.
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