I was informed on Father's Day, one of the few scarce days that I force myself to endure Gan combined with the whole clan (Dad and his wife, me and Brad, Eva, and sometimes other victims) at once, that men should not wear necklaces, bracelets or rings. Apparently this is something only women should do and makes men look like they are trying to be women...
I can't even pretend to follow her reasoning on this one. Men wore jewelry even in the "wagon" days didn't they?Anyway, add this to the list of unexplained Gannyisms.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Episode #13 Operating a Mouse
Once, at my dad's house, I was doing something upstairs waiting for Ganny to arrive so we could go to lunch. I had some music playing on the downstairs computer. I heard her open the front door and call - "Knock knock, Ganny's here," like she usually did then. I took the few steps to the top of the stairs to tell her hello. She of course was immediately unhappy with the music that was not Gospel, so I explained to her how to turn it off. "Just go to the computer Gan, and move the mouse to the little X in the top right hand corner and that will close the program. I'll be right down."
As I stepped into the other room to wrap up whatever I had been working on, I noticed the music didn't stop. I returned to the top of the stairs to find Ganny, with mouse in hand, pointing it at the screen like a remote control and squinting.
As I stepped into the other room to wrap up whatever I had been working on, I noticed the music didn't stop. I returned to the top of the stairs to find Ganny, with mouse in hand, pointing it at the screen like a remote control and squinting.
Episode #12 The Holidays
Note: I have fallen behind on my blogging due to extreme overwork as a teacher at a public high school. The post below refers to Thanksgiving of 2011.
Ganny put on her reading glasses to help me with a random craft project at the table. She hates crafts. Brad and I do these bizzare Christmas cards each year with rediculous pictures of us and I had an idea to use that old-fashioned garland with strings of popcorn in the picture. I asked Gan to help me string some of the popcorn. Honestly, I was surprised she said yes. She detests anything involving sitting patiently such as needle-point, knitting, playing cards, etc. which is unfortunate considering this is what old people usually do to occupy their time. Ironically, Gan would rather sit around watching reruns of Gunsmoke and Bonanza and complain about how bored she is. This is delightful for the rest of us.
Back to the point though - she put on her reading glasses and her flaw detector and looked at me. "What's that comin' up on your face?" she asked. I knew immediately what she was referring to. It was a mole near my mouth that I've always been self conscious about. It's been there as long as I can remember. I checked the anger that immediately swelled. "I don't know Gan." She continued to offend. "It's right there," she pointed. "Gan, it's a mole. It has always been there," I stated quickly, hoping we could move on before I either lost my temper or started sniveling. "Oh." And we did move on.Well, she did. I obviously am still holding on to it.
A bit later, we were ready to head over to my in-laws to have Thanksgiving dinner. It's not ideal to involve Ganny in these settings, but my conscience won't let me leave her alone for the majority of Thanksgiving Day. When we announced we were about to leave, Ganny quickly asked, "Aren't you going to comb your hair?" My hair was combed. What do you do with that? Brad jumped in - "It is combed Ganny, she's just got it flipped over the other side of her face right now." I just kind of nodded and made note of the moment to share here. It sounds so simple now, after the fact. Just smile and explain it to her. Be patient. But that's where this blog comes in. In the moment, you want to scream. What is it about old people that gives them this uncanny ability to make you feel crazy? At the time, when they make that offensive comment or that oh-so-sour expression, it takes every ounce of strength you have to simply grind your teeth and get through it.
There were no major embarrassments at the in-laws until after dinner. As we were all wrapping up, Gan said something about how disappointed she was that she couldn't eat more because the food was so good. She is notorious for eating next to nothing. I tried to be positive. "You did fine Ganny." Her reply: "I didn't eat anything compared to what you ate."
Again, what do you do with that? I laughed because it was so blatantly rude, but what made it better is that my brother-in-law and his wife laughed out loud too. They know all about Gan and my... difficulties with her. It was as if my complaints about her had been validated in that moment, when someone else saw what I was talking about.
As best I can recall, that was the last of the worst of it. Of course there is always the constant repetition and defense of one's choices, but those were the stand-out moments of the day.
Ganny put on her reading glasses to help me with a random craft project at the table. She hates crafts. Brad and I do these bizzare Christmas cards each year with rediculous pictures of us and I had an idea to use that old-fashioned garland with strings of popcorn in the picture. I asked Gan to help me string some of the popcorn. Honestly, I was surprised she said yes. She detests anything involving sitting patiently such as needle-point, knitting, playing cards, etc. which is unfortunate considering this is what old people usually do to occupy their time. Ironically, Gan would rather sit around watching reruns of Gunsmoke and Bonanza and complain about how bored she is. This is delightful for the rest of us.
Back to the point though - she put on her reading glasses and her flaw detector and looked at me. "What's that comin' up on your face?" she asked. I knew immediately what she was referring to. It was a mole near my mouth that I've always been self conscious about. It's been there as long as I can remember. I checked the anger that immediately swelled. "I don't know Gan." She continued to offend. "It's right there," she pointed. "Gan, it's a mole. It has always been there," I stated quickly, hoping we could move on before I either lost my temper or started sniveling. "Oh." And we did move on.Well, she did. I obviously am still holding on to it.
A bit later, we were ready to head over to my in-laws to have Thanksgiving dinner. It's not ideal to involve Ganny in these settings, but my conscience won't let me leave her alone for the majority of Thanksgiving Day. When we announced we were about to leave, Ganny quickly asked, "Aren't you going to comb your hair?" My hair was combed. What do you do with that? Brad jumped in - "It is combed Ganny, she's just got it flipped over the other side of her face right now." I just kind of nodded and made note of the moment to share here. It sounds so simple now, after the fact. Just smile and explain it to her. Be patient. But that's where this blog comes in. In the moment, you want to scream. What is it about old people that gives them this uncanny ability to make you feel crazy? At the time, when they make that offensive comment or that oh-so-sour expression, it takes every ounce of strength you have to simply grind your teeth and get through it.
There were no major embarrassments at the in-laws until after dinner. As we were all wrapping up, Gan said something about how disappointed she was that she couldn't eat more because the food was so good. She is notorious for eating next to nothing. I tried to be positive. "You did fine Ganny." Her reply: "I didn't eat anything compared to what you ate."
Again, what do you do with that? I laughed because it was so blatantly rude, but what made it better is that my brother-in-law and his wife laughed out loud too. They know all about Gan and my... difficulties with her. It was as if my complaints about her had been validated in that moment, when someone else saw what I was talking about.
As best I can recall, that was the last of the worst of it. Of course there is always the constant repetition and defense of one's choices, but those were the stand-out moments of the day.
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